I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
