Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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