is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize