As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
