stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
