i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
MIDGETS
????
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
