Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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