i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
