I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
