New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
