Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
