didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
