why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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