i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize