Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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