My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
