Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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