so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
