Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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