You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i will never coherently bang her
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
