didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
