I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
