I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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