when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
