He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize