i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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