I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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