I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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