yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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