Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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