When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
