i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
