if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
