Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
