lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
