You made me cry and you don't even care
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize