in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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