whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
