I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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