Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
is it fun? or sober?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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