it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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