The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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