he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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