Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize