Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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