He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
