You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
