he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize