I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think my mom watched the whole time
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
