I am in a vortex of obligation.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize