If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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