I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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