party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was like his penis was on wheels.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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