dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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