Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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