Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
