first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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