my phone needs a breathalizer
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
