Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
