Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
