You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
