Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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