woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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