Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
