just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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