forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
