I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
